Conspiracy Theories: Presidents, Public Health, and Lizard People

With so many of them around, perhaps we shouldn’t be surprised to learn that one scholar has made a remarkable finding: it is likely that all of us believe in at least one conspiracy theory. Most of them are harmless, but when health is involved, they can turn deadly. 

Joseph Uscinski of the University of Miami defines conspiracy theories as a belief that, “a small, powerful group working in secret, for their own benefit against the common good, and in a way that undermines bedrock ground rules.”

What matters most about conspiracy theories to their promoters is whether people act on them.  In fact, it doesn’t matter if they are true, even if the promoter doesn’t believe them, as long as other people believe and act on them.   

Think of how a Presidential candidate might use conspiracy theories to get elected or reelected.

In fact, the evidence shows that “Republicans and Democrats display nearly equal levels of conspiracy thinking,” but about different things. One former presidential candidate (initials are BS) on the left believes that, the entire system (capitalism) was “designed by the wealthiest people in this country to benefit the wealthiest people in this country at the expense of everyone else.”  The right, on the other hand, distrusts government bureaucrats, academic elites, and the media.

In science, there are conspiracy theories about Round Up, Golden Rice (genetically modified), fluoridation in water, vaccine safety, and of course, climate science.  There is evidence to fuel a global warming/climate change conspiracy. In this case, it goes back to La Jolla, California where, in 2012,  The Union of Concerned Scientists, the Climate Accountability Institute, scientists, lawyers and legal scholars met to discuss how to use a tobacco-like campaign against polluters.

The most recent science conspiracy theories are all around COVID vaccines. These vaccines were developed quickly using a new technology and the levels of distrust were high around the world. It also didn’t help that there was an enormous amount of missing and misleading information coming out of the authorities. First, all the vaccines were expected to do was to reduce the risk of serious consequences, e.g., death. They were also not going to stop anyone from getting coronavirus or stop them from transmitting it.

But, like all vaccines, and for that matter, all medicines, they have side effects, even those that are rare. Every advertisement and Patient Package Insert will list side effects even though they may be as rare as winning Powerball.  Vaccine conspiracies are something like this:

But even now, it appears that the likelihood of severe side effects from the vaccines, including long lasting effects, appear to be way less than the likelihood of severe effects from getting coronavirus. They don’t alter DNA (although we are now looking into that to cure currently incurable diseases), don’t contain microchip trackers (these might be helpful to track things going wrong in your body) and, if they didn’t benefit pharmaceutical companies, like any drug, they wouldn’t produce them.

Here is my favorite conspiracy theory, interstellar Lizard People:

Hillary Clinton, Queen Elizabeth, Mark Zuckerberg, Taylor Swift, and Mick Jagger have all been identified as Lizard People. We don’t need mandatory gun ownership (I made that one up) but I think there is a way to identify them. We capture them, tie them up, and make them listen to Kars4Kids commercials on a loop. If they begin thrashing and screaming, release them, they’re just humans.

But if they lean back with a smile and begin to sing along, we know they are Lizard People because that is both their anthem and their weapon. It’s how they plan to enslave our planet (if you hear it too many times, you will become a mindless drone). 

Given that the vast majority, or possibly everyone, believes at least one conspiracy theory, and that some of them may actually be right, we’re not going to be rid of them anytime soon. I think it’s the “therefore” that ought to be our focus to encourage people to consider all of the other options before taking the “therefore” option. 

There are always options. For the presidential elections, you could vote for an alternative candidate. Global climate change need not lead to world socialism. Actually, the original goal of capitalism was to produce more goods that people want and produce them faster. It has been an amazing success. Rather than world government, e.g., the United Nations or Davos, we could just set the incentives to produce low carbon emissions and unleash entrepreneurs to find ways to reduce carbon. One possibility is a carbon tax. I suppose for vaccines you can investigate your own susceptibilities and then figure out the best course of action.   

There is never just one option even if a theory is true.

Unless it’s about Lizard People. There is actually a movie: Lizard People, The Truth About Reptilians, so this one must be true. I see only one option– KARS4KIDS.